Evening all,

 I spent the afternoon eating homemade doughnuts (doused in sugar and slightly warm with a coffee? My kind of perfect) with Ayden and her mum and we've been under a duvet watching horror films, which is totally unlike me and I'm normally terrified but they went easy on me. We watched 'The Strangers', 'The Forest' and 'Apostle' and I'm rather proud that I wasn't scared.

 Saying that, around the time we got to 'Apostle' (which I found, from what I saw, very good but a bit excessively gory and way too long and full on), my attention span had ran out and I started doing some work done with it in the background.

 I was reading Hannah Gale's recent post about how she's made her son's sleep routine and what it consists of, and it got me thinking about how odd an age 18 is for me (okay it made me broody and I panicked). It's like I want to just get on with things and become an adult; I want a kid or two, I want to move into my own place with the person I love, but then I would also rather enjoy being a kid again and having absolutely no responsabilities and my main problem being whether or not my parents would let me have McDonalds for lunch next time we go shopping.

 As much as I can't wait to start living, making memories and all the amazing things that come with 'being an adult', but I'l also fucking petrified of it. I'm not good with responsabilities and bills and organising myself, I can barely handle remembering to take my vitamins every day if that's anything to go by.

 I know that for the moment I have nothing to worry about other than just getting my exams which would be extremely useful, wouldn't it?

 It's a really odd in between sensation of simultaneously feeling like a child and like a 30 year old; and as much as I enjoy the new responsability there's a large feeling of dread that comes with it, knowing that pretty soon I won't be able to fuck up and it not be able to be defended by a 'well you know, she's just a kid'.

M x