Here, have a very old photo of me I took next to my Nan's house. It was in March and I was freezing my tits off but did it for the fAsHuN.
Exam season has started in France, and it's been a mixed bag of emotions for the past few years. Generally sad, two years ago it was stressful as I was in the midst of exams, and now it's a bit weird.
For those who don't know, I've been in college for a lot longer than the usual person in France. I didn't follow the usual course for my education, I started on a hairdressing course, and then passed my exams, got my degree and then changed paths entirely and went into the course I'm currently in, which is a costume design degree. I decided to take the full course again rather than starting in the second year, so I was with 15/16-year-olds which, as much as it isn't a massive age gap, was a bit weird.
I keep in direct contact with no one I used to go to high school with, yet I see them graduating high school, and moving out and getting their driving license and going to uni, and sometimes I wonder if I didn't make a horrible mistake. They're my age, right now I should be preparing for midterms, but I'm actually gearing up for a month of work placements. I've taken such a different course to them and it feels really strange and almost making me feel less than? I know I shouldn't compare but I just feel a bit weird. I'm so unlike most people my age that I wonder why. Is there something wrong with me? Should I be doing something different?
This feeling is intensified when my friends in their final year of my course talk about exams, and I realise that I saw them arrive in the first year, and when they were in their first year I was in my last, and now, next year I'll be in the same position as they are. It's a very strange feeling and it makes you feel quite awkward at times.
I try and avoid comparing myself to people as I know first hand that that shit's toxic and bad news central, but sometimes you just can't help yourself?
I was talking to my Mum about a decision I'm preparing myself to make and about life-changing decisions, and that generally, you don't realise quite how massive it is until later on. I think changing my mind and going into the course I'm currently in (even though it nearly gave my Mum a stroke, oops), was definitely one of those moments. I never really realised it but thinking back I realise that this is what I was meant to be doing, and even though I don't regret going to hairdressing and finishing my degree, I know that this is the right path to be on.
As a general rule, it doesn't tend to bother me much, but especially during these times I try and make sure I remember that just because I've taken a different path doesn't mean I'm less valid.
Good luck to everyone who's going to be passing their exams. It'll be fine, if I can do it and come out the other end sane then so can you.
M x
