Matti May Hardie


Side note: Hello everyone! I haven't posted since Christmas, I apologise, I'm hopefully going to get posting more regularly now as I have a load of content in the works, notably one post that is massive that I'm really looking forward to sharing with you that I really hope you'll all enjoy! I'm looking forward to sharing more content with you soon!
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(Alternative title “how to get your shit together when your shit has never been together”.)

I’ve never been organised. As much as I’d like to be a little blond Californian girl with straight As and a tan, I’m not, and have accepted that I never will be. So I decided to share with you guys the list that I generally make at the beginning of the school year and try to sticks to for the rest of the year (now, whether that happens or not is a totally other debate) to help myself get myself organized and hopefully avoid any mental breakdowns. I wasn't very organised at the beginning of this year and just realised I haven't done it, so since I made it recently I figured I would share it with you guys.

This is also a list I tend to go back to when I'm feeling like quite a mess, when I can't get myself organised and I'm a bit all over the place, or when I need to get myself back to my productive self again - all of which are the case at the moment after the last few weeks of college that were hardcore, which is what inspired this blog post.

Beauty
  • Do nails
  • Hairdresser’s
  • Find new outfits
  • Find new make-up looks
  • Eyebrows
I like using the start of the school year to start fresh, so I tend to make a point of getting my hair cut or colored, and to find some new outfits and make-up looks. I’m not the most confident person in the world and it allows me to feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin. Then I’ll do my eyebrows and my nails just to make sure I look decent and human (obviously I pretty much give up this facade about a week into term but that’s just a detail).

Selfcare
  • 1L minimum of water everyday
  • Moisturize whole body after shower
  • Shave
  • Exfoliate
  • Face mask
This kind of falls under the beauty category but I wanted to take it’s own category because generally I do this with the specific reasoning of making sure I feel as good as I can. My anxiety can really play up at this time of the year and it helps no end when I take care of myself. Anything in this category is what I would consider self care rather than simple beauty steps.
I make my own exfoliant (sugar + olive/coconut oil - mix 1 spoon of oil to 1 and 1/2 spoons of sugar and then keep adding until you've got enough to exfoliate your whole body) and I like to do it before and after shaving, and then moisturise my whole body, both so I feel nice and my skin feels hydrated but also to avoid any razor rash which I get so easily (even with shaving cream!). 
I always turn to my La Petite Lune clay face mask at the moment because it's just so good, I might cry when I run out, my skin just feels so clean and refreshed after!

School
  • Put all lessons into folders
  • Sort folders
  • Make sure there's nothing missing (pens, books, ect)
  • Do contents at the start of books
  • Start notepad
I try and make sure everything's in order so I can start off as I mean to go on, which means sorting my lessons into folders and to make sure all the folders are in order. I also make contents pages at the start of my notebooks so I don't need to fight my way through a ton of papers and notes flying around everywhere. I number the pages and then at the start of the chapter I'll note down the pages, ect ect. I find it easier to get my head around that way. I tend to keep a notepad that's exclusively for school stuff. I used to rip off a page and toss it in my bag but I can let you imagine how that worked. I tried bullet journaling but I'm just more of a simple list girl.

Let me know if I missed anything (please for the love of god, organised people of the internet, HELP ME).

M x
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Yes, hello, I have become that kind of cliché blogger, but I have no shame.

I love Christmas, especially gift giving, but presents have become so goddamned expensive, I can't really afford to buy anything really nice because everything it's all ridiculously priced. So I've hunted down the more affordable luxury things you can get for your loved ones.

Personally this Christmas I'm making the dinner, and it's the first Christmas in years where I'm spending the day with both my parents and Ayden is spending Christmas with us, so I count on feeling full of Christmas spirit!

Going back to the gift guide, I've made this in the mindset that I would buy all of these so there are a couple of more random ones!




Sephora Minis - shop here | M&S 'Tis The Season' Socks - shop here | Yankee Candles 'Samplers Votive' range (also hello they're half price on most/all of them; I would recommend this scent, it smells like Christmas it's great) - shop here














Smartphone projector (It's a little bit more pricey but I think it's still reasonable and also worth the price) - shop here | UV Nail Dryer (don't know if this would work but I think the idea's cool) - shop here | Beard Grooming Kit - shop here

I'm probably not going to get a chance to post again before Christmas so I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a happy new year and I hope you eat everything and get spoiled the way you deserve!

Also, I'm curious, what's the strangest/favourite Christmas tradition in your family?

M x
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Oh hey, you pretty people, how are you all doing? Today's post is a chatty one so get yourself a beverage of whatever form you choose and tuck in!

I've missed blogging, so I figured any excuse was a good one to get typing again. I mean, technically I still want to write stuff, I still want to talk about the things I've been wearing, the make-up I've been loving, and sharing all the things I've been sharing for 4 years now. But it's just not working. I don't know if it's because my brain isn't at it's best at the moment or if it's because I've just run out of ideas, but I sit down to write a blog post and every week I find myself staring at a blank page.

I mean, I know what posts work and what posts I enjoy writing, but I've found myself getting into a rut of monthly favourites, make-up menu, haul (if you're lucky), other, every single month and I'm sure you're all as sick of ready the same content over and over as I am writing it. I'm desperately looking for something fresh, something new to perk things up, but all my ideas are same-y and there's nothing original to it. And that's always been something I promised myself I wouldn't let myself lose. The originality.

The truth is that I sound bored, my posts are getting shorter and shorter and nothing works. So I find myself absent for the longest time and it's not what I want. I adored posting weekly, engaging with you guys, it was a part of my routine that was sacred to me.I'm going to try and get some stuff up that have been works in progresses for a while, and just generally put more stuff up.

Has anyone been watching/watched Suits recently? I've become totally obsessed with it, I think I very much go in for power play, strategies and backstabbing (and wearing nice dresses, suits and heels for work!).
Though despite that, I'm still in mourning of Gilmore Girls - HOW COULD RORY BREAK UP WITH LOGAN? HOW CAN THEY LEAVE IT LIKE THAT?!
I've also gotten Ayden into Game of Thrones and we're both plowing through it and I'm now in love once again.

Anyway, Ayden and I are having a little stay-cation together at my friend's house as we're house-sitting. We're staying in the center of town, in an absolutely gorgeous house. I wanted to make a blog post about it but I'm worried it has a certain lack of photos but I'll see how things go. We've been enjoying sunbathing, drinks and doing nothing (drinks and doing nothing was my favourite), I had easily the best coffee and the best mojito ever in the same day and I felt rich, it was great.

I'm going on a sporadic holiday with my Dad and Ayden next week, and I'm definitely going to be putting a post up about it. I'm hoping to travel more this summer, even if it's just in France. If anyone has any ideas I'm all ears!

Let me know what you guys have been up to in the comments!

M x
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How do you intro? Let's get on with it, that sounds like fun.

Gilmore Girls

I heard about this show aaages ago when Rebecca of FromRoses was raving about it, but it never really attracted me until my Mum started watching it, and I accidentally started getting emotionally invested in their lives. I swear I felt like I'd lost a limb when she finished it, so I've started it again and it's so wholesome and lovely and life seems so simple when I'm plunged into Stars Hollow!

Gel Nails

I decided to treat myself and get my nails done professional, since when I do them myself they make them look like I've done them with my teeth. My wonderful friend Mélody did them for me and I'm absolutely in love with them. (Though because I'm clever I forgot to take a photo, but trust me they were gorgeous)

Canon 1300D

It's my new bebe. I've been lusting over a Canon for what feels like forever and my Dad bought me one for Christmas and I must say it is the most wonderful thing, the quality is just gorgeous and it's an absolute pleasure to use!

Red Rose Insence

I'm not quite sure what's come over me recently, but I've just been addicted to rose scented incense. It's really fresh and floral, without being overpowering which I feel can be a danger with rose scented things.


Elizabeth Arden 'Around The World' Lip Scrub

While I'm at school, I tend to get really bad chapped lips because the air there is super dry, especially in my dorm room, so I was always using my mum's 8 hour lip balm, so in the end she surprised me by buying this. I always forget to exfoliate my lips, so I really like that it's a lip balm and exfoliant in one.

Sanoflore 'Aqua Magnifica' Skin-Perfecting Botanical Essence and the Sanoflore 'Crème Magnifica' Anti-Imperfection Moisturiser

I've already mentioned these products in my previous post, but I wanted to add it to my favourites because I'm just obsessed with them! They just make my skin look and feel like new and my skincare routine is becoming one of my favorite parts of the day.

It's a short one this month, what have you been loving?

M x
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I'm finding a fair few shows on Netflix at the moment, and it's safe to say that it's being very damaging to my productivity and general work ethic. But who needs a degree when you've got TV right?.. I mean.. right? *sips tea nervously*

It's quite a miracle I've managed to find shows that I like, because for a show to grab my attention is rare as fuck. I'm not sure why, but I just can't get addicted to a show to the point where I'm binging it at every given opportunity. Sigh.

Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On
I mentioned this in a previous favourites post of mine, but as I said in the post, this show just transfixed me. It covers the topic of the sex-industry, and also the online dating industry, and it's super interesting to see the behind-the-scenes of the porn industry. There's only 1 season so it's pretty lightweight, too.

Mad Men

I finally managed to get around to finishing the 7 seasons of this show, and my god was it a whirlwind of emotions! For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few years, Mad Men is about an ad man called Don Draper set in the 1960s, basically. But it's so much more complex than that but you can only really understand if you watch the show so I would encourage you all to go and watch because it's the coolest show ever.

Stranger Things

Yes, I'm aware I'm rather late to the Stranger Things party, but to be honest it hadn't really been something I was attracted to, that is, until Ayden binged it in a weekend and she started talking to me about it about 19 out of 24 hours of the day, so I found myself with little-to-no choice. Turns out I'm now hooked so the joke's on me. 

New Girl

This is the kind of show that's totally perfect when you just need to switch your brain off, or you need some background noise while you're working. It's chewing gum for the brain, if you will. But it's really sweet and you learn to love the characters.

American Horror Story

Again, I entirely blame Ayden for my love of this show. At first I didn't dare watch it because I was scared I would be traumatised (I don't tend to do well with horror and scary stuff), but I watched it with her entire body as a safety blanket and it turns out it's bloody brilliant. My favourite seasons have to be Murder House and Coven, and I can't bloody wait to watch Cult!

What are you watching? I can always do with some recommendations!

M x
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Before you say, yes, I'm aware I'm a *bit* late. Back to school has been rather hectic and I haven't had the chance to take the photos until now.

August has been a jam packed week for me. It really has. It's been busy, I've been all over the place, but the good part is that I've seen all my favourites, and along the way I've accumulated a couple of things I've been enjoying, too.

I've got more make-up favourites for once which is a nice change.

BareMinerals 'Complexion Rescue' Tinted Hydrating Gel

I had already tried this a while ago and it really wasn't for me. However, I found it at the back of my cupboard and decided to give it another go. Turns out, over the summer my skin has finally caught the sun, so it actually now suits my skin tone. So yeah, at first I honestly didn't get the hype at all, but now I really do. I've been looking for something like this for quite a while now and I'm kind of annoyed that I didn't realise I had what I was looking for under my nose.

Mac 'Lightful C' Spray

I don't understand what this is used for, but I just like using it as a little pick me up, my skin can feel quite 'meh' in the morning and this kind of just wakes my skin up and helps me feel a bit fresher.

Game Of Thrones

Season 7 has honestly been one of the best seasons yet. Just the show in itself, just to look at is beautiful, incredibly well shot, the acting was on point, just, uh! I haven't got enough words to express my love for this show.

Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On

I heard about this from Hannah Witton, because Erica Lust was interviewed in the first episode, so I decided to have a look. There's a film on Netflix called Hot Girls Wanted which is kind of the same thing.


Essie Nail Varnish in 'Midnight Cami'

I've been searching desperately a new dark nail varnish because dear lord there are none in sight, then Mama bought this Essie nail varnish. Even though I've never tried an Essie nail varnish, I know them by reputation, and I really wanted to try them out. This one is in the colour 'midnight cami' and it's a really pretty dark blue.

dodie 'You' EP

dodie is very quickly becoming one of my favourite singers. Her songs are all beautifully written and produced and they're just amazing. 'You' is her second EP and I'm obsessed, my favourite song being 'in the middle' which is actually about a threesome.

'The Café Of Lost Youth' by Patrick Mondiano

I like to say that this book is similar to 'Little Women', in the sense that you enjoy reading it but you have no fucking clue what's going on most of the time because of the lack of context to everything. Despite that, I've been oddly enjoying it and can't bloody wait to find out more about the mysterious 'Condé' (which is a café in the book).










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It's been a while, hasn't it? I've kind of lost the habit when it comes to blogging, which is an odd sensation given that it's something I've done regularly for the past 4 years. It feels good though, I'd missed blogging. As you've probably seen, I've also done some major redecorating over the past couple of months, what do you think? I'm actually pretty happy with it, which is a refreshing change. I'm between two minds for my blog design, whether I should make it very clean and minimalist or whether I should do a very random and original design, though I am really enjoying this current layout so I think I'm going to stick this one for a bit.

I'd really like to say that things have been super hectic at the moment and that "I've simply got no time to blog!" but I'd be lying through my teeth if I did. Honestly, this has been one of the most unproductive summers I've ever had. I kind of feel terrible for it but it felt so good!

I passed my exams in June and left my college and got my qualifications and began looking for a job. I had a couple of trial periods but they didn't amount to anything, and after a really awful experience with a salon, I started really questioning whether or not I wanted to stay in hairdressing. It was kind of a terrifying thought, given that for about 3 years I've been convinced and insisting to everyone that hairdressing is what I want to do. I look like a *bit* of a tit. I've been thinking about what I want to do, and long story short, I'm going to be (hopefully) doing my a-levels in commerce.

As I said, this summer has consisted of varying between my girlfriend's house and my Mum's house. I feel like I haven't done all that much else, other than my job at the pizzeria next my my Mum's and babysitting my girlfriend's nieces and nephew.

I guess you may be wondering why I went fairly AWOL recently, and to be honest it's just been a total lack of inspiration and motivation. I seemed to have, overnight, lost any capability to write something sassy and original and interesting that would captivate people. And more importantly, I'd lost the motivation and the willingness to do so, for the first time in about 3 years. Everything I wrote seemed bland and a little lifeless. I felt like I was writing the same content thing over and over and I just didn't want to tell you guys yet again 'what I've been loving this month!' with a fake smile and pretty photos that took me an age and a half to take. It started to feel exactly that - plastic. Fake. Unoriginal and more importantly unauthentic. It was me, just not quite. I write in the same voice that I speak in, but sometimes I struggle to get across the nuances and the tonalities, especially when I'm being sarcastic. But that's beside the point. The point is that I needed some time off. Some genuine time off, and not a note at the end of a post saying that I'm taking a week off, only to continue posting. I needed some time where I could close the tab in my browser that has been open constantly on every computer I've had for 4 years - the Blogger tab. I needed some time where I could let myself not wonder how my latest blog post is doing. I needed to let myself be a person before I was a blogger.

Anyway, I'm off on my holibobs (does anyone say that or is it just me?) on Saturday and I'm thinking about writing a post with some photos because it's meant to be a really nice place. What do you guys think?

Matti x
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Hey all, how's you?

I've got to say, I'm not doing too well with this blog malarky, am I? I'm trying, guys, I really am, but life has become very hectic all of a sudden so I'm doing my best to balance everything out, but something had to suffer and sadly it turns out that something was my blog content. I figured to get myself back into things I'd give you guys a little run down of some things I've been enjoying using of late. There's no particular month or anything to this, just things I've been liking recently.


Melodrama - Lorde

Okay, now THIS is a comeback. After lord (haha, sorry) knows how long, Lorde is back with this superbe new album. I'll be incapable of explaining it to you, but god it's beautiful and makes you feel everything at once.

Benefit 'Goof Proof' eyebrow pencil

Mama gave this to me when she realised it actually wasn't her shade and I've been really enjoying it! It looks really natural, yet it gives me the eyebrows I wish I had.




Reality Boy by A.S King

I mentionned this book in my birthday haul, and I started reading it almost as soon as I received it because I'd been waiting to read it for ages! It's perfect for someone who has anger management problems, and I really relate to it and it's so beautifully well talked about. Well done, A.S King, go you.

Chanel 'Dimensions' Mascara

This is fast becoming one of my favourite mascaras. It's pretty much the best replacement for Perversion that I have (okay, not the cheapest but it was given to me so, yanno). It makes my lashes look fuller and longer and just nicer than they usually look, and honestly I'm just enjoying wearing it on it's own.

White Vans Collective

Dreast is a great friend of mine, and when they came to me to design their blog, of course I said yes! Their blog is insanely pleasing to look at, and even their writing is just heavenly!

Fidget Spinners

BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME HEAR ME OUT! Look, I have anxiety. Like, really bad anxiety. Notably social anxiety. More precisely, social anxiety surrounding taking public transport, something I have to do often, so when Mama came home after someone gave her a fidget spinner, I figured I'd give it a go. I often play with my hair and my clothes and fidget all the time whilst waiting for things so I'm hoping this can help to remedy that.



Sephora 'Instant Nail and Cuticle care' 

I've been using this for a few months now, and I'd never thought to mention it, probably because I didn't even realise how well it worked until now. My nails are in dire condition. They break super easily, they spend a lot of time suffocated under nail polish, they chip, I spend a lot of time with my hands under water because of my job, and I don't put hand cream on and stuff to nourish them nearly as much as I'd like. Let's just say there's a certain lack of love towards my nails! This, however, is perfect. This little gem is non-rince, and all you need to do is just stick your fingers in really quickly, massage it in and you're good to go! And, you can do it with or without nail varnish. (It's also impossible to find a link to this thing. My apologies)

Yankee Candle 'Viva Havana'

This smells just wonderous. I'm not even going to try and explain the smell because I will botch it up entirely but just trust me it smells amazing.








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Hey all, how's you?

It was my birthday in May, so instead of doing a May favourites, I asked you guys what you preferred and you guys said that you wanted to see a birthday haul, so that is what I am giving to you.



KILLSTAR 'Witch' Beanie

I was peroosing the Killstar website (which is basically all I ever do, not going to lie), and I found this little gem. I've needed a beanie forever and a day and I just thought this was perfect. To be totally honest it may be a tad small, and doesn't really look right with my hair this short, but I just need to wait for a bit for my hair to grow a bit more.

'Reality Boy' by A.S King

Mama gave me one of A.S King's books for Christmas and I'd reaaally enjoyed it, and in the back of that book was a part of this book. It's about a guy who has anger management problems so I think I'm really going to connect with this book.

'The Meaning Of Liff' by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd

If you've been reading my blog for a while this may ring some bells. I've wanted to get this book for ages, but for one reason or another I hadn't, so I figured it was the time to get it!



Silicone Rainbow Plug 

In case it wasn't yet obvious I'm a raging lesbian. I did a crazy factory order - of course I did.

Bullet Plug

I already had this plug in 8mm, but seeing as I think I'm going to stick to 12mm for a bit, I figured I'd let myself buy it again.

White Stretching Expender

I still currently need to stretch from 10mm to 12mm, so that's what that's for.

Black Hoop Earrings

I need a simple earring for my non-stretched ear! I'd stolen an odd one off Mama but it kind of started a weird infection so I decided to take it out and replace it with one that Marion lent to me, but given that I'm going to need to give it back at one point or another, I figured I needed to get my own. These are just really simple black hoops.

Fake Eyelashes

I've been curious about fake lashes for a while, and when I was trying to thaw out my Crazy Factory order, I saw that there were some fake lashes that were on offer, so I figured why not and picked some up; I don't know about the quality, but I'm hoping it'll be okay enough for me to see if I like them or not.



In The Café Of Lost Youth by Patrick Mondiano

I read a passage of this book for my literature mocks, and it actually seemed like a really good read so I decided to pick it up since I'm long due some reading material.

JustFab 'Mitchie' Boots

Look, I'm aware that these aren't exactly 'summer' shoes, but I'm not really a person for showing my toes, so I tend to go for closed-toe shoes, and I've had my eye on these for aaages and I decided to finally

I'm not going to lie, there's probably going to be more, but so far this is what I have! I hope you enjoyed this post, let me know in the comments what the best birthday present you've ever gotten.

Matti x


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Hey all, how's you?

(Drawing by Marion)

I'm pissed. You know why? Because recently, I feel like my eyes are being opened by women have to put up with daily. First, I learn that many of my female friends were raped or sexually agressed when they were younger. Then, I watched a short film by the amazing Sammy Paul called 'One Another' that, yet again, shoved the inequalities faced by women. Next, a mere couple of hours after I watch that short film, my best friend calls me in a panic because a guy cat called her in the street and, when she didn't answer, proceeded to follow her for about 5 minutes, shouting things at her!

You understand? Still not? Then allow me to elaborate. The more I grow up, the more I realise just how shitty it is that I have a vagina. I am going to be less likely to get a job, because I have a vagina. I'm going to be shouted at in the road and I'm expected to be okay with it, because I have a vagina. I can't dress a certain way, because I have a vagina. In some countries, I'm considered less of a human because I have a vagina. My sexuality isn't just my sexuality, but it's also considered 'sexy' and 'a turn on' to people with penises, because my partner and I have vaginas. I'm going to get paid less, because I have a vagina. I have to ask my friends to come with me somewhere because I'm afraid of someone jumping at me, because I have a vagina. The slightest thing I say can be construed as flirtatious, and almost immediately means I want sex with the person on the receiving end of this 'flirting', because I have a vagina. If I get raped, it'll be my fault, because I was asking for it. Because I have a vagina. 

I'm expected to fit some perfect mould various people with penises have created; I'm expected to agree with everything, to nod and wave, to not have any body modifications and god forbid I have any body hair, or anything that could put off someone with a penis because then how would they get off to their totally deformed idea of what a woman looks like? I'm not meant to be anything other than a size zero, I'm not meant to have any excess fat or body rolls, I'm meant to have a flat stomach and double D tits and a arse like Nicki Minaj or Jennifer Lopez.

If I sleep with no one I'm a prude who doesn't know how to let loose, but if I sleep with too many people I'm a slut. If I wear jeans and a roll neck jumper I'm not making the most of my assets, but if I wear shorts and a crop top I'm asking for it. If I get raped, it's my fault. If I get mildly annoyed, I'm hysterical. If I show said annoyance, I'm an angry bitch who's probably on her period and needs to take a chill pill because who in hell thinks that maybe, just maybe, I could just be pissed off at a world that will automatically think that everything is my fucking fault and if I'm not born photoshopped and if I'm not what is considered at the time 'beautifully' then I'm not worth it and I'm considered 'less than' other people and not because my menstrual cycle has affected my mood! I’ve become cynical after a while. I sneer at the prospect of being treated like an object because I’m a woman. I roll my eyes at the concept that I’m never really going to be listened to because I’m a woman. In any case, we're just dumb bitches who need everything to be explained to them slowly.

Like I said in the title of this post - what about the women? We so often get forgotten, because people just expect us to follow willingly. 

Feel free to leave a comment, I'd be really interested in discussing this topic further with you guys.

Matti x

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Hey all, how's you?

I've been a bit out of sorts on my blog recently. I'm not really sure where I want my blog content to go, because let's face it, there's only so many times you can talk about lipsticks, so sorry about the odd posts and strange posting dates.



I'm going through a lot of changes in myself recently. My interests are changing, my style of thinking has done a 180, and I'm finding myself interested in things that I would have found weird once upon a time. Actually my life is doing a 180 at the moment. Given the fact that I'm finished college, exams are upon us, and everything feels very final. I'm currently stuck with what to do next year, given the fact that I can't get an apprenticeship until I get my qualifications, but I need to do stuff with the school involved with the apprenticeship but I can't given the fact that I can't get an apprenticeship. Also, I need to inscribe myself to my backup course. GAHHHHH. It's a massive vicious cycle and it's scaring me because everything is just teetering on 'nearly happening' but then life is moving too fast for everything and it's a very strange sensation and it's basically just making me want to hide in bed and watch Friends all day.

Long story short, everything is going to shit, but it's okay because it was my birthday so I'm going to have a shit ton of money to buy pretty shit. To be honest, being able to find discount codes everywhere is starting to become an art, I swear, it's wonderous.
Speaking of pretty shit, I've realised more and more that I'm a massive snob when it comes to make-up. I swear I turn my nose up at anything that doesn't have a certain price tag or a certain name, and I KNOW HOW BAD THAT IS but I just can't help myself! I just can't trust it!

I'm trying to write and create and develop my skills in music but it's just not happening. I'm trying to get better at song writing and playing guitar but I'm totally unmotivated. I don't think right now is quite the right time for me to learn anything like that, given that I need to make my exams my main priority (says the girl writing her blog while she's supposed to be revising).

SO YEAH FUN TIMES. On the mental health front, I had a bad pass a week or so ago when I was constantly having panic attacks for seemingly no reason, but they seemed to have calmed down. My anxiety and my paranoia is on a normal level and I haven't had a really low day for a while now (touch wood!). I'm making the most of this time where my brain is fairly level to try and understand my mental illnesses better. Trying to understand what triggers me, what I should and shouldn't do; my logic behind it is that the better I understand it, the easier it'll be to conquer it.

I'm not sure if there will be a May favourites, I have got a load of clothes from a friend and I'll have a fair few purchases what with my birthday money so I may just do a mega-haul, I'm not sure yet. To be fair, I'll probably put a poll up on Twitter and let you lot vote.

Matti x


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Hey all, how's you?

I feel like March and April have been the longest and shortest months ever; it's so strange! I have, however been loving loads of different things over these couple of months and as usual I'm going to be sharing them with you guys!



Urban Decay 'Vice' lipstick in Blackmail
This is the lipstick of my dreams. I've been waiting for a lipstick like thiis before I knew I wanted one. It looks black, has red and purple undertones, and it just makes me look badass and everything good in the world.

A Place Of Secrets by Rachel Hore

I've already discussed my love for this book, but it's going back in here because fucking hell I have been glued to this book for the whole of March! It got juicy (yes it's a bit of a slow starter) and now I'm dreading the end!

'That's The Spirit' by Bring Me The Horizon

I'm aware that a lot of my music favourites are a bit late (far too long after the release!) but I realised that I'd never listened to the full album, and when I did, my love for BMTH was rekindled. The lyrics, the music, the meaning, everything is just utter perfection. I couldn't pick a favourite because I love them all!

Killstar 'Bella Morte' dress




I came across this dress because Harmony Nice featured it in her March favourites and as soon as I saw it I knew I needed it in my life. The lace detailing and the whole witch vibe it gives off is right up my street and ohhh it makes my heart happy. I'm really trying to get some new dressed at the moment for the this summer because I honestly have none so if anyone has any good sites for clothes that aren't too expensive hook a girl up.

'Divide' by Ed Sheeran

Needless to say that this is a work of art. It's so well written and everything about it is amazing. My favourites are Galway Girl, Shape Of You, and Castle On The Hill:

'Ask The Passangers' by A.S King

THIS BOOK. THIS FUCKING BOOK LORDY LORD. It's possibly one of my favourite books ever. It's about a 17 year old girl from a small town, who is also kind of in love with a girl. As you do. It's all about questionning your sexuality and the solidity of friendships when it comes down to it, but it also has loads of references to great minds like Socrates and Plato and I just think it's such a good LGBT book. I honestly read it in about 2 days. The only criticism I have is that the end didn't have much of a ´wow' factor and I still had questions that went unanswered.



Bourjois 'Velvet Edition Rouge' in 'It's Reddin' Men'

I'm now obsessed with this liquid lipstick. I've always had an appreciation for liquid lipsticks, but a lot of them dried my lips out, so I gave up on them and stuck with my trusted matte lips (that also dried my lips but fuck it). Then, when I tried this, my life changed. The formula is really nice and smooth on my lips, it applies really well and lasts for ages.

Caroll 'Samantha Ruby' dress


Every year my school put on a fashion show, and this year I was singing with a friend of mine and for this fashion show, there are shops based in the town where my college is who lend us clothes and the shop who was lending me my outfit was a shop called Caroll. This was the first thing I tried on and even though at first I felt really uncomfortable and weird, it very quickly grew on me. The clincher is that it costs 130€ (I can confirm I choked when I heard that). It's so pretty though! It's beautifully comfortable and can be dressed up and down. All the heart eyed emojis.


Matti x


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Hey all, how's you?

I've made a fair few purchases of late, and seeing as I haven't posted for a while I decided I'd go ahead and do a little haul to make up for it!



Urban Decay 'Vice' lipstick in 'Blackmail' - 18,50€

I've been looking for a nice, dark lipstick for ages now, and whilst in Bordeaux (our version of Manchester, to give you an idea of the size), I popped into the Sephora there and decided to pick up Blackmail, simply because I'd fallen in love with it as soon as I'd set my eyes on it! It looks like a black lipstick but it's got red and purple tones in it, too which makes it less harsh.


Bourjois 'Rouge Edition Velvet' liquid lipstick in 'It's Reddin' Men' - 14,50€

I've been tempted to pick this up for soo long now, and every time I see it in a shop I'm just hesitating, before dragging myself out because I was going to end up very late if I didn't. Then, at one point, I forget when, I gave myself a serious talking to and bought it because life's too bloody short!

Bourjois 'Volume Clubbing' Mascara - 14,95€

I'm not going to lie, I'd never heard about this mascara, but I need a new everyday mascara and saw this when I bought the Rouge Edition Velvet. The wand is a brush wand and it doesn't look too complicated to use, and that's all that matters to me when it comes to mascara, really.

Sephora 'MicroSmooth' compact powder in chair clair - 16,95€

I got this simply because Mama was doing a Sephora order and I badly needed some powder. Turns out it's actually pretty good and keeps me looking matte for a lot longer than I would expect. I got it in the lightest one (I'll give you 3 guesses as to why!) and I'm really happy with it so far!

Bourjois Eyeliner in Ultra Black - 12,99€

I had money, I wanted to treat myself and I had no eyeliner left. I let the salesgirl win me over because she was hot. JUDGE ME. I'm actually fairly happy with this. I've tried it a few times now and the only negative I'd give it is that if you shake without the cap on (because you do tend to need to shake it a bit to get the product out after one eye) it goes EVERYWHERE. So just beware of having black hands if you do. Other than that, it looks really nice, has quite an impressive staying power and the line is nice and crisp.

And Other Stories 'Drawstring Sweatpants' - 39€



Okay so technically I didn't buy this, Mama did, but she gave it to me because it ended up just not fitting her. They're beautifully comfortable and really well made. I'm honestly obsessed with it and I can tell I'm going to be wearing them until they're in shreds!

Jennyfer 'Never Mind' t-shirt - 7,99€ was 12,99€




I went on a bit of a shopping spree with Mama and treated myself to a few new tops because I had literally nothing to wear otherwise! This is the first thing I picked up because I like the metal/rock group style t-shirt thing.

KILLSTAR 'Bella Morte Lost Babydoll' dress - 44,99£




I first heard about this dress from Harmony Nice. As soon as I saw it I was immediately like "YES. YOU. COME TO ME. NOW". I'm aware that it's a bit pricey (for me at least) but it's really good quality and it's got all lace everywhere and there's a cut-out at the back and it just makes my heart really happy. It's actually a lighter material than I'd expected it to be so it'll be perfect for summer, too!

Jennyfer cropped shirt - 11,99€ was 19,99€



Again, I just found this adorable and it keeps up my lesbian stereotypness with the plaid. What's not to love?

Jennyfer grey and red t-shirt - 9,99€




I really like how simple this is. It's pretty easy to style with just about anything, and the red on the collar and sleeves add a pop of colour. (lol, I'm terrible at talking about clothes I'm so sorry)

Sorry I've been away so long, but I'm back for good now!

Matti x


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Hey all, how’s you?

In about a month, I’m going to start my exams. By the 30th of May, I’ll have finished said exams, and my time at my college will be over. I’m feeling extremely scared about the end of the year because it means I have some big decisions to make about my future, but not only that, but yet again I’ll be bought to say goodbye to some the amazing people I’ve met over this year.




I say yet again because I had the same thing last year. My main friend group at college last year were last years, and I had the whole ‘saying goodbye, end of an era’ kind of feelings already, and I feel like it’s starting all over again, and if I’m totally honest, I don’t really think I want to. I don’t know if I’m ready to leave college yet. I don’t know if I’m in a mind space where I’d be able to function in working life, even if I’d still be partly in school. It’s also freaking me out because I don’t even know if I want to carry on with hairdressing. The truth of it is that hairdressing is a mixed bag - it can be fucking amazing like it can be annoying and dull. It’s definitely not what I expected, with I guess was to be expected, I mean, no job is ever exactly what you expect it to be, is it? I very much have a love-hate relationship with my trade, and I realise now more than ever that I need to make a decision. Love or hate? Do I love it and do it for years to come, or do I hate it and leave hairdressing, only really doing it on the side? 

Everything’s happened very fast, I guess. I honestly feel like this year has gone by in the blink of an eye, that just yesterday it was boiling hot and my class of 30 piled into one of the 3 salons we have at our disposal, while our teachers droned on about what we would be doing this year and how important this year is, bla bla bla. I feel like it was only yesterday I met the people who are now my favourites, that I was flirting with a girl who I’m now seeing. It feels odd to think of now leaving that college, where so many memories were made. 

The thing with being an intern (someone who sleeps at school), is that the place becomes more of a home than your home. You know the people, you know the place off by heart, you know all the matrons and everything becomes very familiar. You know what you can and can’t do. I could give you a tour of the place with my eyes closed, I’m sure. I can pinpoint each part of it and associate a memory or a person to it. The thought of leaving those dorms behind, not packing my suitcase every Sunday and complaining about how early the curfew is, running around the three floors looking for someone, sneaking around and going into my friend’s rooms once all of the matrons had gone to bed, well, the thought of leaving all that behind makes me really sad. 

Everyone always says they can’t wait to leave, but I’m bloody well dreading it. I’m not going to deny that there are days where all I want to do is come home, but there’s a large part of me who wants to find another course and stay there for another few years.

I feel like responsibility and expectations are piling up on top of me, that everyone’s staring at me expectantly, waiting for me to make a decision, to do something, to make some great statement about what I’m going to do with my life. But in total honesty, I’m totally lost. I have no fucking clue.


Tl;dr - I’m looking forward to the future, I’d just bloody well wish it didn’t come so bloody fast.

Matti x

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I'm all emosh. Don't ask me why, I have no bloody idea, but I am. I feel like everything's crushing me alive and I don't think I can deal with everything alone anymore. But this blog post isn't just a pity party for myself, I'm writing this because I had an epiphany tonight and I felt the need to talk about it - you shouldn't feel ashamed about letting your mental illness win from time to time. Before you start sharpening your pitchforks and loading your guns, let me explain, yeah?

If you have any mental illness, you'll get me when I say that fighting your mental illness is hard and fucking tiring and draining. And that means that it gets worse, and it's really just a vicious circle that goes around and around until you have nothing left. That's not a way to live. Sometimes you just have to, in the words of Ash Hardell 'ride the wave'. So from now on, I'm not going to beat myself up when I spend a day in bed because my anxiety just isn't happening, or when I just stop trying to be strong for a bit. It's not toxic as long as you can get back up and keep fighting after that. Even the strongest soldier needs a break.

It's unrealistic for anyone to think they can continuously battle their mental illness alone. It's just not possible. Of course you're going to have days where that's all you can think about but that's not something you should be ashamed of. And one thing that annoys me about certain mental health blogs and blog posts that I read is that they almost bully people into thinking that it's a terrible thing to feel bad and let yourself feel your mental illness now and again (no shade to anyone, there are some amazing mental health bloggers out there, but some less good).

You feel like shit? Okay, take that day off. Let yo'self stay in bed and binge-watch a show you're not really even watching. But the hell you better get yo pretty ass out of bed the next morning and show your mental illness that's you're nobody's bitch!

It's all about balance. You need to let yourself find that balance. Beating yourself up and saying you're weak because you're not pushing down feelings that need to be felt is not healthy and will end up hindering you more than helping you.

You are not weak because of a down day.

Matti x


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Hey all, how's you?

This is the first favourites post of 2017! It's kind of crazy to think that this blog turned 3 years old two weeks ago. It's fucking insane. Anyway, I decided to miss out on December favourites simply because it was mostly just a run up to Christmas and I was just re-using products I had already told you guys about. This post was meant to be chock-a-block with beauty products, I promise you it was, and then my entire make-up bag was stolen at college... again; hopefully this time I'll learn to be more careful! A good 90% of my make-up is gone and I'm going to have to restart my make-up collection all over again, so please excuse the lack of anything make-up related.


TooFaced 'The Chocolatier' palette

I got this palette in the Chocolatier set that I got for Christmas, and I've been using it all the time. It's a really good on-the-go palette. It's a little less pigmented and buttery than I had expected, but honestly given the colours and shades of the eyeshadows and the blush/bronzer/highlighter honestly just makes up for it. However, the blush is so fucking pigmented it's insane. 

Arctic Monkeys - AM

I'm aware that I'm very much late to this party, but I'd always been aware of Arctic Monkeys, but it's only really recently that I'd started listening to them. I'd always had a couple of their songs on my phone, and I'd always meant to listen to the full album, and I finally did, and I'm now obsessed. Something about the cool vibes, mixed with Alex Turner's accent and his blazé slur when he sings, it just makes it such a pleasure to listen to.

Hair tattoo



More specifically, my hair tattoo. I've become a bit jaded of my hair of late, I'm growing my roots out to bleach it but I'm finding it difficult to find a cut or anything that I'm really obsessed with. Then, the other day Marion and I were in the salon with nothing to do, so she sat me down and handed me a google images page and told me that she wanted to try hair tattooing and that I was going to be her crash test dummy. I flicked through and found something she could base herself off. Marion is a really good artist and generally I just let her do whatever the hell she wants with my hair, so I just let her play around and I'm obsessed with what she's done.

Extraordinellie

MY FAVOURITE HAS GOT HER BLOGGING GAME UP! Ellie is one of my closest friends and if you're an O.G reader, her name may ring a bell. She launched her blog on the first of January and it's really fucking good! I may be a bit biased because I'd read Ellie's shopping list, but still, she's funny, she's fancy and she's sassy. What's not to like?

'A Place Of Secrets' by Rachel Hore

I first started reading this book when I was about 10 or 12, and then my copy evaporated. I had no idea where I'd put it and I, for some reason, was incapable of remembering the title or the author. Over Christmas, I went for a hunt for it and after looking near and far, I finally found it again and my Dad bought it for me for Christmas. As usual, you'll have to find out what it's about yourself because the plot is quite thick and there's a lot of different storylines, but it's written in a way that they all correspond and it's not at all confusing.


TooFaced 'Better Than Sex' mascara

I got a sample of this mascara in the chocolatier palette, and at first I was really disappointed and figured it just wasn't for me. I continued to use my Urban Decay 'Perversion' as usual, but then once that was stolen, I decided to give it another go and turns out I'd judged it far too soon. It's really nice, holds a curl really well, and is actually pretty long lasting.

Rings

I got these rings from Crazy Factory and ohhh they make me so happy. They're pretty as hell, even though the one with the stone in the middle is heavy as fuck! But still, they make my heart happy so who cares. You can find them here and here.

Skins

Funnily enough, this show is seriously popular in France, and after hearing about it from everyone and their dog, and the countless edits on Facebook, I finally decided to give it a try and I'm now addicted. I've ploughed through the first season every weekend and I bloody love it.

As always, there were more than planned!

I hope you enjoyed this post. What have you guys been loving recently? 

Matti x


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Matti, 18, easily pleased, likes swearing, pizza and women way too much for my own good. You learn to love me.

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