I'm all emosh. Don't ask me why, I have no bloody idea, but I am. I feel like everything's crushing me alive and I don't think I can deal with everything alone anymore. But this blog post isn't just a pity party for myself, I'm writing this because I had an epiphany tonight and I felt the need to talk about it - you shouldn't feel ashamed about letting your mental illness win from time to time. Before you start sharpening your pitchforks and loading your guns, let me explain, yeah?

If you have any mental illness, you'll get me when I say that fighting your mental illness is hard and fucking tiring and draining. And that means that it gets worse, and it's really just a vicious circle that goes around and around until you have nothing left. That's not a way to live. Sometimes you just have to, in the words of Ash Hardell 'ride the wave'. So from now on, I'm not going to beat myself up when I spend a day in bed because my anxiety just isn't happening, or when I just stop trying to be strong for a bit. It's not toxic as long as you can get back up and keep fighting after that. Even the strongest soldier needs a break.

It's unrealistic for anyone to think they can continuously battle their mental illness alone. It's just not possible. Of course you're going to have days where that's all you can think about but that's not something you should be ashamed of. And one thing that annoys me about certain mental health blogs and blog posts that I read is that they almost bully people into thinking that it's a terrible thing to feel bad and let yourself feel your mental illness now and again (no shade to anyone, there are some amazing mental health bloggers out there, but some less good).

You feel like shit? Okay, take that day off. Let yo'self stay in bed and binge-watch a show you're not really even watching. But the hell you better get yo pretty ass out of bed the next morning and show your mental illness that's you're nobody's bitch!

It's all about balance. You need to let yourself find that balance. Beating yourself up and saying you're weak because you're not pushing down feelings that need to be felt is not healthy and will end up hindering you more than helping you.

You are not weak because of a down day.