This is being written from a very precarious position, I've just painted my nails and I'm terrified off chipping this.

I want everyone here to know what this post was born out of procrastination. But not the usual kind where you're avoiding doing a job you need to do, no, I'm procrastinating from relaxing. I'm having a really relaxed Sunday, Mama and I went out for lunch, and I've been on the sofa doing little jobs on my laptop for most of the afternoon. I finished everything I have to do, and I found myself gagging for something to do. I didn't want to switch off and think about nothing. I needed to be totally immersed in something, because if not then my brain was going to go hay-wire. I was caught up on social media, I didn't have any inspiration to finish or start a blog post, all my blog admin was done, my Youtube subscriptions box was dead, everything was impossibly quiet. The horror.

I'm pretty sure this comes from my anxiety and paranoia. If I'm left to my own thoughts, I just end up over-thinking things and before you know it my anxiety is going insane and I'm convinced everyone hates me. So I just avoid relaxing and switching off. I force myself to be busy constantly, always looking for something to occupy my mind. That's one of the reasons I love having a blog so much. Before I started this blog, I'd spend my days on social media, but there was no reason to it. There was no productivity, and when social media was dead, I was left with nothing to do. Now I have my blog, if I'm bored, I can take blog photos, finish a blog post, schedule blog posts to come, do admin, contact brands, sort my e-mails.

To put it simply, it opened up a whole new list of things I could do, and it was amazing; I realise now that it was a good thing and a bad thing. A good thing because it gave me somewhere to house my creativity and a way to do something other than scroll aimlessly on Twitter, but it also made it so that my default thing to do when I have nothing else to do is to blog, and now I really struggle to stay focused on one thing. I now am incapable of switching off. Where as some people relish in turning their phones and laptops off for an evening, have a bath and just chill, that sounds horrific to me. The idea of just sitting and being left to my own thoughts is a dangerous concept.

I'm taking baby steps in the whole 'making myself learn to switch off', for example, this afternoon I made myself a cup of tea, closed my laptop and read a book. And guess what? The world didn't end. No one went into panic mode. There wasn't 34564 missed calls from someone in grave danger. Most importantly, no one decided they hated me in that time.

I was a bit apprehensive about writing this post because I didn't want anyone to think I was completely mental, and then I remembered that I don't care and all the apprehension went away!

Saying that, let me know in the comments if you're the same, or you have times when you find yourself actively avoiding switching off for your own good?