Hey all, how's you?

You know what I mean. Your friend has started seeing someone - that's great! You're really happy for them, and then they ask you if you fancy coming out with them... You know what that means - third wheeling. Tenir la chandelle. Mantenga la vela. Say it in any language, it means the same thing. They're going to be coupling it up and you're going to be contemplating how many cats you'll end up with.

1/ I wonder how long my phone battery will last? How long is it polite to stare at it so I can avoid eye contact?

2/ Oh god, they're going to kiss. Look away. Excuse yourself. DO SOMETHING.

3/ Is 12 cats too many? I think that's a reasonable amount. I mean, I won't have to buy anyone anything, so I can spend it on the cats.

4/ I'm going to be single forever. That's my destiny.

5/ Ah, they've finished having their moment! About bloody time.

6/ I don't think I was always this bitter, was I?

7/ Are they have a row? I should go over and check. Then again, I don't want to be in the middle of a domestic.

8/ Am I being annoying? Maybe they're dying for me to go away so they can be just the two of them and I'm just too blind to realise.

9/ Twitter *scrolls*, Instagram *scrolls*, Pinterest *scrolls*, Snapchat *presses*, Faceb- oh shit, I have no battery left.

10/ I am happy she's finally found someone who treats her right.

11/ AWW THEY'RE WAY TOO CUTE.

12/ Oh thank fuck someone I know, COME AND TALK TO ME.

13/ Ohhhh, they're hot, I wonder if they're single? It'd probably be awkward if I went and hit on them, though.

14/ I love the way they look at each other, you can tell they really like one another.

Because, I mean, as much as you love your friends, third wheeling is never fun.

P.S - 'Matti May Hardie' is 3 today! Thank you to anyone who reads this crap, I really do appreciate you.