Matti May Hardie: 2014

Hey all,

Hows you?

If you know me well, you'll know that I have recently acquired an obsession for lipsticks. I adore any sort, high end or drugstore. Sadly, lipsticks cost money, money that I don't have because I'm saving for an iPhone. However, I have been doing a shit-ton of research about various lipsticks that I fancied sharing with you guys.

I'm going to start with high-end lipsticks. Obvs, I have my all-time favorite lipstick, the Clinique "A Different Grape" Lipstick, this isn't quite the right shade, it's more a pinky red, but I couldn't find the right shade on the website. This is the only one that I have personally tried for now.

Next is M.A.C; unfortunately, I can’t afford M.A.C make-up, but I had a mental splurge (as in, I mentally bought the entire contents of the website) a few days ago and wanted to share my favorites with you guys.

First is Dark Side, which is one of the darker ones, Costa Chic that has some slight coraley, pinky tones in it, and Russian Red that is a really really rich red colour that I am obsessed with, but I'm not sure if I could pull it off! I also love love love Pure Zen which is more a nude shade that, again, I'm not sure if I'd be able to pull off in case I lose my lips with it on! And also Shy Girl that is again, more of a nude shade, but has some more pinky tones too it.

(right to left)

Dark Side, Russian Red, Pure Zen, Costa Chic, Shy Girl

The last lipstick I wanted to talk about is the Charlotte Tilbury Matte Revolution in Love Liberty. I think it's safe to say that I'm not too adventurous when it comes to lipstick colours! Then again, I have developped a bit of a love for Amazing Grace too.

(right to left)

Amazing Grace, Love Liberty

Now onto drugstore lipsticks. I have only tried the Rimmel and Maybelline ones but I want to branch out and try some more like Maxx Factor First I want to talk about Rimmel.

If you read other make-up related posts, you'll know that I am obsessed with Rimmel. I don't really know why but I feel like ever product of that I use of theirs is a winner that I really enjoy using. I've really liked the look of the Kate Moss Lasting Finish Matte Lipstick in 107 and 111. Yes, I realize that they are very similar, so that's why I would probably only buy one of the two. But look how pretty they are!! I have also tried the 104, but I was awfully disappointed with it. It was very dry and didn't look very nice on my lips, but my friend has another one and it looks fine so maybe it's just a fluke.

(right to left)

107, 111

Hope you enjoyed that. Let me know what your favourite high end and drugstore lipstick is in the comments.

Aller Kiss,

Matti x

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Stock photos were used in this post

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Hey me,
How're you managing?

It's been a while, huh? I know the world seems a bit big and scary, but trust me, you haven't seen half of it. I haven't written to you for shit, I've written for you to give you some advice, because my god, you look like you need some!

First things first, about Mum and Dad. Tell Mum to use her brain and leave that hell hole. She doesn't deserve to live like that and nor do you. Her beautiful face is too fragile compared to his hard, unloving fists and her heart is too tender for his harsh words. Then tell her that the next few years are going to be hard, but give her a hug and a kiss from us and always remind her that she can do it.

Now on to you. You're a sight aren't you? Anger management issues, depression, shit home life, shit school life. Everything's pretty shit, huh? I'm not going to give you some magical words of advice, because to be honest, I don't have any. Even at 14, which seems like such a big age at 12, doesn't it? But yeah, even at 14, I have nooo ideaaa how to do the whole "life" malarky. As I said in my anger management post, some days, I don't even want to get out of bed, because I just feel like crap, and I know that you sometimes feel the same, but just remember that every day you go out to conquer reluctantly, is another day you don't have to face again. I know that doesn't make much sense, but trust me, it's motivation.

Now, I know the whole "my body is changing someone (preferably who isn't my Mum) help, what the fuck I know fuck, what am I meant to freaking do ahhhh" thing is terrifying, and trust me, it doesn't get better, it goes from being scary to annoying. Yes, one day you're going to wake up with red stuff in your knickers, but you'll get used to it. Yes, once a month you're going to get pissed at everything, but you'll get used to it. Yes, guys are going to break your heart, but you'll forget them. Yes, you'll get crushes and they won't realise your incredible charm (lol jokes), but again, it'll pass. And trust me, you will be played by those muddaf-ing pricks, but just, tip, don't try and hit them or shit, they are bigger and stronger than you, you will lose. I speak from experiance.

Just, try and manage life, even though they're all idiots, and they can't totally change your life. YOU are the one and the ONLY ONE who can totally change your life. (OMG I just had a cringe-attack)

Oh and good idea, the whole starting JustMeMatti, this is the best idea I've ever had :)

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Hi Me,
How's it going?

How's your life going? Right now, your life has been better, but it's been worse too. Your anxiety is getting you down (how is the anxiety doing?) and your fight with depression is wearing you down too as is the stress of it all (what with GCSEs coming at the end of the year).You're anger management is much better, and you're trying to convince that mother of yours to let you go and see a specialist so that they can help you. You're struggling to accept the fact that all of a sudden, people want you to grow up and act adult. I can tell you now I feel like anything but an adult. I'm constantly getting nostalgia attacks (the question "why can't I just be a 2 year old again?" is a question I often ask myself), but I kind of feel like the knowledge that you get to have more responsibility and more independence is nice. How are you dealing with it all?

You thought you'd just started going out with a guy in your class, but actually, he was just trying to make his real girlfriend jealous; yes, there are still massive d**ks in your life. You got together on Facebook, age of technology, huh? You've argued with your other friends, but you've made up with everyone and that's made it a lot easier. You're very close to Clara too, even though, as usual, she drives you mad sometimes! Beatriz is fast becoming your best friend, even though it's kind of hard to talk to her about the stuff I used to talk about with previous best friends, but still, I'm really getting very close to her.

I hope you've improved on your German, if not, have you started Italian? I'm doing okay with it but I could be better. How are you doing in Maths? You're useless now, and I wouldn't be surprised if you're not any better. Are you still at school? Did you do like Mum wanted and did your BAC? Or are you doing/have done your apprenticeship? I don't think you will have finished it yet, no? Are you still doing hairdressing and beauty? Or have you decided on something else?

How's the blogging going? Have you tried again with YouTube or not? I'm really enjoying blogging, it truly is becoming a passion.Everything about it, the photography, editing, writing, feedback, everything. How's your book coming on (for anyone reading this, I will tell you more about that at a later date!), have you given up on any of them? Have you finished any yet?

How's your relationship with Mum? Right now, we can be in the same room as each other without wanting to rip each other's heads off. I mean, I love her and god knows what I'd do without her, but she still drives me insane. I can't wait to move out. Have you moved out yet? Or not?

I still can't quite believe that soon, like in 3 years I'll be 16. It's quite terrifying if I'm honest. I'll be an adult soon too. Good god... Wish me luck!

Looking forward to hearing from you.
Lots of love
Me xx

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Hey all
Hows you?

She's done it again. She's started a "series" again. Oh god! - Ok I can explain. The S.S. series was stupid and it wasn't going anywhere, that's why I stopped that, at that time I was looking to see what I'm going to do on my blog. This is different. I want you guys to know more about me. I know I'm totally open with you guys, but I still have stuff I want to talk to you about. I, am not perfect. Quite the opposite. I am a freaking mess and a nightmare. I have more than enough faults to go around, but then again, I'm ok with that. I have quite a few "things" (mind things) that I have and that I know that other people have too.

Personally, I find that watching and reading that other people that they are the same and they have the same problems, helps so so much. Just to know that I'm not alone helps me (personally) enormously. And I want to help as many people as I can. So this is a series that's very close to my heart and I count on finishing it when I have nothing else to say. Then again, I'm not going to say "every Tuesday I'm going to put a Meet Me up!" because I won't end up doing it. I'll put stuff up when I feel like it because if I force myself it won't be right.

So here it goes. I am a very anxious person. I don't know if I always have been but for the past few years it's been very bad. Anxiety is something that's very engulfing. I stand by that fact because anyone who has anxiety will probably tell you the same thing. It takes up most of your thoughts, to the point where you can't let anything else in. Personally for me what happens is that I will get butterflies in my stomach, but in like a "oh I'm really nervous" way, but more a "oh frick what's going on, I'm gonna die, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" sort of way. I often have my head spinning, but not like a dizzy way, it's hard to explain, but you'll understand if you get that too, and also (and this is a thing that is more recent) I start shaking, how much depends on how anxious I am. The shaking, as I was saying, is a new thing, because when I was little and until a few months ago, I never shook., like, my hand didn't shake, but now they do.

There are two different sorts of anxiety: normal anxiety and anxiety disorder. Now I think I may get this wrong if I say it in my own words so I'm going to quote (more like paraphrase) Zoe Sugg (aka Zoella) in one of her videos that she put up about anxiety and panic attacks:

"Most people will actually have anxieties, something like short term anxiety where you're nervous because you're about to go on stage or you've got a test: that's all normal. Anxiety for someone who actually suffers with anxiety which is like prolonged amounts of time is almost like your body is freaking out at a lot more things than it should be freaking out at and it feels like it's in this dangerous situation, you kind of feel a bit uncomfortable, really worried, really stressed, it's like a million emotions all in one and you'll get like a funny tummy (or what I call butterflies), you'll start to feel a bit hot, you'll start to feel bit "oh my goodness, I can't actually handle this and if your anxiety gets particularly bad it can then turn into a panic attack or anxiety attack which is basically when your body goes into fight or flight mode because it thinks something is happening to you and it prepares your body to either run away or fight the situation. Most of the time, we don't need to fight or fly, it's just that we have a really anxious mind. The metaphor I often use is that anxious people are the cars in the street, who's alarm goes off with a little gust of wind or a leave and everyone else are the cars that need a good battering before their alarms go off."

When you get anxiety, you feel like an elephant is sitting on your chest or that your lungs are full of cotton wool, making each breath strained. Because you're breathing way more than you should, you starting feeling dizzy and lightheaded, almost as if your heart is pumping helium, not blood around your body. And the entire time you know why you feel like this, and you curse the very idea of anxiety. It's the oddest thing you'll ever experience, but it's also the worst. Often, my nose will start stinging, because you can smell everything, simply because your body is going into fight or flight mode. I also tend to struggle to read things. You'll ask me to read a blog post and I won't be able to make sense of the words, even if I concentrate really hard.

Aller Kiss,

Matti x