Hows you?

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently:

One of my (many) faults is selflessness. I know a lot of people consider that a quality, I don't consider that a quality in myself simply because I take it to a whole other level. Giving people what they want and making decisions so that other people don't have to put themselves out and putting that higher in my priorities than what I want.

I've always been really bad at saying no. I feel like saying no will mean that someone is going to be disappointed or not get what they want, even though saying no means I get what I want. 

Recently, I've had to make some big decisions that are going to affect me in the long run and the decisions I've had to make will decide a lot about my future. Thinking about this, I realised that I was going to have to put "no" back in my vocabulary. I was watching a Troye Sivan video the other day where he was talking about making music. He made this analogy about trains and making music professionally: "The only way I can describe making music professionally is like if you were a train and you have a track of where you want to go, and because there are so many people involved, there's a record label involved and management, and then you have to use your words and have confidence in what you want to be able to talk to a producer and be like "I like this" or "I don't like that so much"" and that really hit home with me, because, ideally, what I want to do at the end of this year (after I've (hopefully) passed my exams) is go and pursue a career in hairdressing and once I've done that, I'd really like to pursue a career in music, but after watching Troye's video and hearing specifically this sentence: "...and then you have to use your words and have enough confidence in what you want and to be able to tell a producer "I like this" or "I don't like that"" and that really made me think about how, I won't get anything I want in my life, if I don't learn to say if I like something or not, not only in the music world, but in my everyday life too.